It’s been quite some time since I’ve written. In all honesty, I’ve been contemplating what to write about, and what would helpful to students. I’ve been spending time concentrating on being a good physician, wife, mother and adjusting to life changes.
During the early part of my blogging, I moved and transitioned my family back to our original home. It took a lot of sacrifices and required me to not only quit my job, but to decide to leave a less than ideal situation in order to do so. Things appeared not quite right early on, but I stayed in order to keep the peace for my family’s sake. Eventually, the toxic environment took a toll on my health and well being, and I would argue that of my family as well. This year, I decided it was about time to put myself and my family first.
This meant that I had to have the courage to leave a seemingly cush, coveted job that was “comfortable” with guaranteed salary and choose one in which I was paid only when I worked. I gave up benefits, pensions and loads of “stability”. What I traded it for was my sanity and my freedom. I needed an environment where I was free to be creative in other pursuits and where I was not tolerated, but celebrated. This was not without sacrifice. I gave up so much, and I had to re-immerse myself in my core specialty of anesthesiology. I was practicing pain medicine for the prior 2-3 years, and yes, this is a different specialty entirely. It involves clinic, continuity of care and procedures that you need specialized training to do. I enjoyed this work and the training, but the environment just wasn’t right for me.
After I left, I joined a group that provides intra-operative anesthesia services. I hadn’t worked in this capacity for a couple of years and jumping over this hurdle seemed like I was scaling Mt. Everest! With a supportive boss and fantastic colleagues, I was able to bridge this seemingly unsurmountable gap and become an OR anesthesiologist once again. It never left, but truly it was like riding a bike.
I did this for myself, my sanity, and my family. We needed to move back home and my job environment was truly toxic for me. I had to choose life and choose myself. This took grit and sacrifice, but so far it has been well worth it. I tell this story from the perspective of what it is like to be a physician and the realities. Even as an attending physician, you still have to find your place and the right fit for your career and interests.
What are the takeaways from my story? There are several –
- Don’t be afraid to choose yourself. Your profession will be there, but if you aren’t ok, you won’t be. Make decisions based on your core beliefs and those that serve your needs. When you are in training, this can be difficult to do. Don’t forget to seek help and especially mental health services.
- Training in a subspecialty gives flexibility. In anesthesiology, pain medicine gives the option for work in the procedure suite, the clinic, or in the operating room as well. Research is also another way to add dimension to your specialty and to your work. There are academic positions, private practice opportunities and jobs at large conglomerates. Do your research and consider what environment is best for you.
- Whenever there is transition or change, there is sacrifice involved. Sometimes this requires courage, doing some things that are uncomfortable and there is definitely a period of transition. Give yourself grace to adjust.
- If something is wrong, admit it. Don’t simply stay in a job because you need to pay your bills or because you have to. Save up, prepare yourself and make plans to transition. You owe it to yourself to be happy, healthy and whole.
I hope sharing my story helps some of you out there realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel. One day, you will be able to make these types of decisions. Being a physician gives you the freedom to choose and to change. I can be an independent contractor, own a business, be a consultant and do many things that feed my soul. Don’t listen to those who say it doesn’t get better than medical school or residency. It does get better. When you have the chance to make career decisions, make sure you choose for yourself and get informed about your options. It’s important to choose for yourself and your own wellness.
Enjoy your family and friends in this holiday season,
Candice Williams, MD. DBA